Before you continue reading, let me just say that everything blogged here is my personal opinion of current situations. I am in no way insinuating that EVERYONE behaves like this. If I say that I can’t stand women, it doesn’t mean I can’t stand ALL women… it just means that so far, those I have contact with personally are driving me crazy. Who knows if an unknown woman half-way across the globe would drive me crazy? So, if anyone is thinking of writing nasty comments or emails… get a life! This post is meant for entertainment and I am the last person on this planet who is into what is politically-correct or not…
However, if you are one of those people who take everything too personally and too seriously, I would suggest you stop reading right now before you get your panties into a twist.
Dyke Friendship
It lasts as long as you have a use for each other. Dyke friendship typically lasts or maintains for as long as you are:
- single
- bored with your current lay
- the time it takes for your patience to run out with regards to the dyke drama stories
- geographically close to each other
- not dating your friend’s ex-girlfriend/ crush
- maintaining a certain amount of alcohol you have in the house (okay, I’m joking about the last point)
I’ve been friends with fellow lesbians who have disappeared off the face of the planet as soon as they find a girlfriend, only to resurface after a break-up. I’ve lesbian friends who only come over to hang out when they are approaching a bump in their relationships or suffering from pre-lesbian-bed-death* symptoms.
Then there are those who disappear from your lives because they can’t get out of bed with their girlfriends unless you promise to appear in bed with both of them. KIDDING!
On a serious note, I have dyke friends who have given reasons why they do not hang out with you even though you tell them to bring their girlfriends along:
- They think their girlfriend is so hot that all girls in the outside world would pounce on her the moment they see her (true story)
- They think you would pounce on her (true story again… and phui… don’t insult my tastes in women)
- They think their girlfriend will be judged by their friends (only if they are dating some slag)
- They think that their girlfriend is too good for their friends
- They think their friends are too good for their girlfriend (true story yet again… I feel sorry for the girlfriend)
- They are not sure they want to date this girl seriously
And the list goes on.
Also, some girls are very person-centric. Person, meaning themselves. If you have usually hung out a lot with one person, and for some valid reason (example, having new work) are unable to spend as much time with them as you did before, be prepared for petty hissy fits and pre-teen behaviour. Be prepared to get bombarded by gossip from other bum friends, text messages, phonecalls, facebook messages, left-online MSN messages etc, that so-and-so feels neglected and is getting all ‘emo’ over you not paying her enough attention. Be prepared to read 1000 ‘emo’ blog entries from self-perceived-neglected friend.
Sometimes this emotional dyke friend could also be in love with you. That’s a typical lesbian trap that happens in some platonic relationships between boys and girls. I’ve known friends who’d secretly liked their friend so much that they refuse to let them know that they do. When friends of the Emo Dyke tell her to just ‘go for it’, the Emo Dyke will refuse to, on the basis that they are ‘good as friends’ and that it would be sort of ‘incestuous’. They will even encourage other girls to hook up with their friend-crush. and And when their friend-crush really hooks up with other girls, these Emo Dykes get all pissed off about it, and rant on about friendship loyalities and whatnot.
*pre-lesbian-bed-death: A term used to describe the beginning of the end of a lesbian sex relationship. Not that sex doesn’t happen, it happens less frequently that it used to, and when it does happen, one or both of the parties seem to find the act itself so agonising that the mere fact that they go through with it at all should award them at least 10 Oscars.
To Be Continued…
